It has never been a secret that I am an emotional person. Frequently I result to yelling to get my point across. While at times it has not been extremely productive, it has never really been something I cared to focus on changing. That is until I had children, and more specifically in the last few months.
As someone with a behavior background I knew/know how ineffective yelling at children is. I made it a point not to yell at Ella. We did a lot of positive reinforcement, redirecting, explaining, giving positive choices, helping Ella find her own voice, etc. Well I am ashamed to admit that since the birth of Claire, my yelling has spilled over into my parenting of Ella. Do I yell everyday, all the time? No but I do have my moments. And they are very often moments that I am not proud of. Small moments that have a big impact. On me and on her. There are times that these moments have such an impact on me that I have a hard time falling asleep at night. I want to clarify that our house is not some chaotic, screaming, terrible place to live, its just that I don't feel under any occasion should I resort to screaming at my daughter.
3.5 has proven to be the toughest age yet. Yet, somehow even in its toughest moments, I am blessed to have an almost all the time well behaved, caring, beautiful, intelligent daughter. It could be a lot a lot worse, but it doesn't mean there isn't tough moments. As of now, Ella has not picked up my yelling and I want to keep it that way. I want her to continue to calmly express her emotions, just as we all should in this house.
I recently came across an article by a mother about how she had stopped yelling due to the impact she saw it was having on her children. It really hit home with me and really impacted me. There was also a link to a Facebook page called The Orange Rhino seen here https://www.facebook.com/TheOrangeRhino?fref=ts. This was a lady who challenged herself to 365 to no yelling and as a result changed her life for the better.
So as a result of me wanting to change my ways and as a result change the way my daughters deal with their own emotions in the future, I have taken on a challenge put on by The Orange Rhino. This starts as 30 days to less yelling. This challenge is not to immediately stop yelling but rather to dig deep and learn more about yourself. To learn your triggers, to find supports, to challenge yourself, to learn coping skills. To not just stop yelling but to learn to live a different life by dealing with stress, emotions, and life differently.
The challenge started yesterday. To kick it off Ella and I talked about what this challenge meant. We went out and bought orange nail polish and painted our toes as a reminder. I bought an orange journal and orange stickers.
So did I yell yesterday? Not proud to admit it, but yep I did. Tom had just gone back to school after a three week break, I am on little sleep with a sick teething baby, it was evening (always a tough time for me), I was hungry, the kids were tired, and I had to repeat something five times before Ella listened (this is the toughest, biggest challenge for me), and I had one moment of weakness. Right now, as suggested in daily emails and blogs by The Orange Rhino, I am trying to determine my triggers, planning for these hard times, and learning to let go and go with the flow.
My mantra in this journey is the quote by Gandhi "Be the change you wish to see in this world". I am the example for my girls. How I live my life and how I present myself will be in many ways how they carry themselves. When I started having children I said I would give my all, and I had been. Somewhere along the way I have taken a bit of a wrong turn but I am ready to get back on track. So wish us me luck as I embark on a new and better way of life. A life where yelling is left for moments of happiness and joy!
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