Today you turn 18 months. No books, no stories from other mothers, not even myself could have prepared me for what I feel for you. No one can be prepared for the power of love a child can have over their parent. When I think I cannot be more proud of you I am. When I think my heart is already bursting with love for you, I love you more.
I remember when I was pregnant with you people would warn how fast it goes by and when they would say it you could see the look of them remembering a thousand moments pass by in their head of time with their own children. I had no idea what they meant and would smile and feel flutters and kicks of your hands and feet and dream of their purpose and possibility.
As soon as you were laid on my chest and as I looked at your hands, your feet, your face I thought today begins your journey of purpose and possibility. In the beginning your hands lay curled in little balls and you loved to sleep with you hand tucked under your chin.
As time went by you began to use your hands to put things in your mouth, explore toys, and eventually using them for purpose. Grabbing your blankie for comfort or holding your bottle to drink or signing more for your favorite fruit.
Today I watch your hands do things for you that I once did for you. You brush your teeth, you pat and feed your babies, build towers, help me put laundry in the dryer, you feed yourself, walk the dog on a leash, or try to hold your chubby little fingers up as you count to 5. Your feet move in rhythm to a song or you use them to come running to me for a hug or to chase Winston. Your mouth says the words I love you or I want that or I need water and sings songs or blows the most amazing bubbles. Where your hands, feet, and mouth used to fumble, today your body is moving together with purpose. It is sad in one sense to see you growing and becoming independent and I know now what those mothers were picturing in their head as they told me time flies. On the other hand I don’t think I have ever been more proud of a person in my entire life as I am watching you grow and change. Some of the things you do overwhelm your father and I with so much joy that all we can do is look at each other and say “did you just see that? Wow!”
As much as I will always miss those first moments in your life, it is breathtaking to revel in this amazing little girl you have become. It is not goodbye to the first 18 months of your life but rather Hello to the purpose and possibility of next 100. Soon you will not need my hands to grab you and pick you up when you cry but know that my hands are forever open for a safe place to land. Where you once were in my belly and now sit on my lap, you will one day stand by my side. And just like I did yesterday, today, and will tomorrow, I dream of the possibility of your future and baby it is a bright one.
So baby keep learning and I hope that your hands, feet, and heart always move with purpose
(We really try to limit how much tv Ella watches. The music teacher at the sitter uses an Elmo doll for a couple of the songs and from this Ella has become obsessed. We thought it would be fun to get her an Elmo cupcake for her half birthday. We were shocked when she actually chose cookie monster to eat!)
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