Six weeks come and gone

Tomorrow I go back to work. From the beginning I knew that I would only get 6-8 weeks but I guess this whole time I was just hoping that something would happen that would change that. Well nothing happened and six weeks have flown by and now I have to return to work. I am anything but happy about returning to work so early. I feel huge guilt that I gave Ella twelve weeks and Claire only gets six. I feel complete sadness that I wont be close to my tiny infant every hour of everyday for at least the next six weeks. I feel like a bad mother for already placing her in someone elses hands. Because no matter how much I trust that other person and know that she will truly care for my child,
no one loves and care for child like their own mother. My arms miss her even when I lay her down for an hour to nap so how am I to go a whole day? A whole week? This is time I will never get back with her and I am bitter.

This also comes at a bad time. Maybe Claire senses my stress, maybe its a growth spurt, maybe its the attempts of her to sleep in her own bed, I dont know. But I do know that her sleep has taken a turn for the worst in the last week. I had her on such a good sleep schedule of going down at 8 or 9 and her sleeping through night waking every few hours to eat and then back to sleep. The last week she struggles to go down. She is tired by 7 or 8 and falls asleep but wakes over and over and is restless til about 11. She then is restless most of night and wakes frequently. Needless to say I am exhausted, just in time for me to return to work.

Claire seems to be doing great though and I pray that she continues to do well. At her one month visit last week she was 10lbs 4oz (85th percentile). Thats over a two pound growth in five weeks! She was 50th percentile for height. She is also cooing and smiling like crazy which makes it even more difficult to leave her.

Saying tomorrow will be rough is an understatement. Ella heads off to preschool and Claire to the sitter. Time flies too fast and there is never enough to spend with my children. I feel like this marks the end of Claire being a newborn. While I know this will all be ok in the long run I want to kick and scream and yell "this isn't fair". But even that won't change anything because six weeks have come and gone.

The Wildnerness

The four of us just got back from an amazing family vacation at The Wilderness/Wyndham Resort in Gatlinburg. I have to admit this place was pretty freaking amazing. We stayed in a two bedroom deluxe condo with two bathrooms. This was by far the nicest condo Ive stayed in and the decor was so nice I literally could have lived there as my home. We literally did not leave the resort the entire four days aside from a trip to Krogers and a food trip. The resort had everything we needed, and more. There were two outdoor waterparks, one indoor waterpark, a huge game and arcade area, a few restaurants, a candy shop with starbucks, a few gift shops, bowling, putt putt golf, an indoor playset, laser tag, a ropes course up to the ceiling, rock climbing, and Im sure Im forget some things. We took turns taking Ella by ourselves for some individual time but for the most part I wore the baby in the Ergo while Tom got in the water with Ella.  Ella was beyond excited. I was sooo happy we were able to take this trip. Seeing the excitement of vacation from a kid's perspective is indescribable. 

Enjoying the jacuuzi tub in the master bedroom

Claire enjoying a bath in her PUJ tub. I love this thing

Ella had her own bedroom with two beds. She immediately set it all up with her toys and declared one bed a "sleeping bed" and one a "jumping bed". I was so proud of her that she slept in there on her own each night and each nap.

Life is good just floating along

One of two kids areas in indoor waterpark

Indoor pool area had a big snake and a big basketball area with three hoops

About to hit the outdoor lazy river with dad

Enjoying some dinner in the resort restaurant

Playing skee ball in the arcade for the first time

Kids version of the demon drop inside the arcade

Like a kid in a candy shop, literally

Gotta get serious when hitting the water

She means business, even that kid recognizes

Oh and I forgot to mention the resort also had a paint your own pottery place. She painted me a spoon rest.  We didnt discover it til our last night so Ella's piece had to be shipped in the mail

This is Carla (named by Ella). She picked her out in the gift shop and she had to go with us to paint pottery. Later that night Ella got Tuffy (a chihuha named by Ella) that she got with her tickets in the arcade. Theyre a perfect pair.

So now its back to reality and reality is going to hit hard this week. Tom goes back to work and school, I start back at work, Claire heads to the sitters and Ella begins preschool. Someone hold me, my babies are growing up too fast.