Ive been thinking a lot lately about motherhood, Ella growing up right before my eyes, and comments people make about toddlers and motherhood.
I have always been very rigid with Ella's schedule and since she has been born my life has revolved around her and her schedule. People always made comments to me of why would I want to tie myself down to a child who only naps in her own bed or be on a breastfeeding schedule, etc etc. Now that Ella is older, her schedule is a little more flexible and she is more independent. I still find Tom and I spend all of our time interacting with her and running after her. At the picnic we were at last week Tom and I spent all of our time there running with Ella in the yard and playing. EVERY single family that was there (their kids are all 5 and older) commented to me that they were "sorry I had to spend my time running around after her, that it gets better, that one day I will be able to sit down and enjoy life". In one sense I wanted to laugh in their face and in another I was offended by their comments. Some mothers/parents are passionate about not letting motherhood/parenthood swallow them whole, I am not one of them. I consciously made a choice to become a parent. I planned Ella in a time in my life where I was/am able to throw my heart, soul, body, mind into parenthood and allow it to be part of what defines me. I EXPECTED my life to revolve around Ella. Why would I expect it to be any other way? Many parents who expect the child's life to revolve around their lives frustrate me. Ella did not ask to be born. Tom and I are the ones that chose for her to be here. Why would I do anything but make her feel like the most special, beautiful person on the face of this earth. Why would I want anything other than to take time out of my life to nurture and teach her so she can be the best she can be to face this world?
There's another piece to the comments made at the picnic. I hear so many people complain about the toddler years and toddlers in general. Now grant it I realize Tom and I are so blessed to have such a gentle, happy, funny child, but Ill still admit it can be tiring, frustrating, and demanding. Yet it is more special than any of those things combined will ever be. If Ella has taught me one thing it is do not wish time away. Live in the moment. Cherish it. There is always something to cherish about every moment, even if all you can see is the bad. Before I know it, Ella won't need/want me to carry her, hold her, rock her at night, sit on my lap to read a book, laugh at the silliest things, or think running in the yard with bubbles is the most amazing experience. So for now, I cherish it all.
When the neighbors said "one day it'll get better and I can live my life", I wanted to laugh. I wanted to laugh and say live my life? Living does not get any better than not only watching my child run in the yard with a smile on her face but actually holding her hand while I run by her side.
Parenthood is not about having the "energy" to parent. Energy has nothing to do with my ability and desire to give Ella the best of me that I can possibly give her. I may not be the best mom but I am the best mom for Ella. If you wait for the day to feel energetic again, life will just pass you by
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