At literally every stage of Ella's life I've thought I could not love that stage or her more. But somehow she continues to get more and more fun and being a mother somehow becomes more and more rewarding. I remember holding her as a newborn wondering what kind of a toddler she would be and what talking to her would be like. The reality of a conversation seemed so distant but now we have conversations. Real conversations. In the car, at home, constantly. About what her day was like, things she would like to do, things that make her happy, the possibilities are endless. She is becoming a person, a person with her own opinions, emotions, and thoughts and I am becoming a mother to a little kid.
It is crazy to me that Ella will be starting school at the end of August. We decided on the Children's Meeting House Montessori School and she was accepted. I got an email this week regarding completing her school paperwork, physical, and school supplies. SCHOOL SUPPLIES?! WHAT!? My baby needs school supplies already? I am so excited for her to begin this journey yet want to cry at the same time
(she learned to cross her eyes LOL)
She is truly the kindest, sweetest little girl. She is my greatest achievement thus far in my life and I like to think that we are doing something right with her. I worry about school. I see how much she loves kids, how much she wants friends, how nice she is to them. What happens when someone is mean to her and Im not there to protect her. What happens when she gets her heartbroken or someones words destroy her spirit? Ill always be here for a safe place to land yet am I strong enough to try to repair the heartbreak when she comes home from the first time she understands what teasing is or a boy breaks her heart.
I've worried about adding a member to our family. Will Ella feel left out? Will she continue to know just how much we love her? I still carry these worries and think I always will yet lately I am so excited for Ella. She will be an amazing big sister and an even better role model.
We’re chipping away at two. In just a week she will be three years old. I don’t know how we got here, but I know it will be gone before we know it. These months and years are going too fast. There are no bottles to put it in, no way to stop it and all I can do at this point is hope to not constantly be doing that thing where you’re crying while maniacally laughing because you can’t decide which emotion is greater. I’m so sad and I’m so happy. It’s so painful. And it’s so awesome.
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