Dear Ella.



Dear Ella,

I have had this letter in the draft folder for months now. It's like I know what I want to say but I want it to be perfect. Putting all the emotions I feel for you into words is not an easy task. Now I know where you get your perfectionist mentality from. You have told me twice this week that you tried to paint a picture of me at school, but threw it away each time because it was not pretty enough. I bet it was beautiful, just like you. Nothing in life is perfect though Ella. That's the beauty of life. Striving to be your best is great but your work, your life, will never be perfect. But you are perfect in my eyes.

We do not always see eye to eye but I love seeing the world through your eyes. The world has a new sparkle through a child's eye. A sparkle that seems to fade the older we get. This world can harden a person. Things seem less magical. I hope you hold on to that sparkle and magic with all your might. Becoming a mother renews your spirit, it saves your soul. You gave me that. You made me a mother. You renewed my spirit. You gave me the gift of magic.

I worried that having another baby would tarnish our relationship. I will admit, things were rough in the beginning. I didn't have the time, the energy, the patience that I had before Claire. I yelled when there was no yelling before Claire. There were bumps in the road for both of us with Claire joining our family. But time as time has passed I have realized that you were destined to be a big sister. You are an amazing big sister. You have an amazing ability with Claire. Having Claire has not made me love you less, it has somehow, when I didn't think it was possible, made me love you more.

While I miss that you are no longer a baby, I look forward to growing old with you by my side.  I love having real conversations with you. I love that you ask to help cook at every single meal that I make. I love that you sing along to every single song on the radio with me, even when you don't know all the words. I love that you laugh at my silly faces and jokes. I love that you're my little Starbucks buddy. There isn't a single thing that I don't love about you. We have so much more to look forward to.

I am forever proud of you. I forever love you.

Mom