On This Mother's Day

I remember when I was younger, going for walks in the rain with my mom. It seemed like almost everytime it rained we would head out with our umbrellas, often barefoot, to enjoy running through the puddles. It's one of the many memories I think of when I think of my childhood and my mom. So when I woke up to a rainy Mother's Day, I couldn't think of a better way to spend part of the day then out in the rain with my daughter. Her two favorite things are jumping in puddles and worms and I want nothing more than to create special and lasting memories with my daughter, just like my mom did with me.

I'm so grateful for Ella, after all she is who made me a mother. She is my first born and will always hold a special place in my heart because of that. Everytime I look at her I am reminded that my perspective and purpose in life shifted completely the moment she was born. She has shown me what unconditional love is, taught me about the kind of mother I want to be, and the way I want to live my life. Every decision I make is with the intention to provide the best life possible for my child and what will soon be my children. She makes me want to be the best person I can be.

Of course on this Mother's Day also comes again the fear of being a mother of two. Am I up for the challenge? For awhile, especially before I had children, I wasn't sure I was cut out for the job, there are still days I don't feel worthy. But I also don't think I have felt more confident in motherhood than in the last year. I see new mom's struggling and I want to tell them, it gets so much easier and so much better! Then at the same time I think, Oh Shit, that's about to be me again. Will it be easier this time with all this knowledge that I have? Parenting does not come naturally nor is it effortless. I have been blessed with a child that literally does not have tantrums, who is loving, affection, caring, and easy going. Yet the closer we get to the baby coming the more I see Ella become her own, strong minded little being. Still no tantrums but more and more I hear her want the opposite of what I've suggested or the negotiating for just one more or a little bit longer. I'm sure it will not be easy in the beginning with two but I do know that all love I have for both my children make it all worth it in the end.

Tom and Ella took me out for breakfast and Ella had to tell several people what she got me. She has been excited for weeks now about Mother's Day. Its so sweet to see her excitement about the day and making it special for me. Last week on Tuesday I picked her up from the sitters and she cried "I didnt have time to make you a Mother's Day Card!" I told her, there's still plenty of time my sweet girl.
On Friday she could not even contain her excitement as I walked through the door. She screamed "Happy Mother's Day" and ran over with my gift. I got flowers, a painted flower pot, and a bracelet that Ella strung all on her own.

Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mother! I love you!
And Happy Mother's Day to my sweet Ella, the one who gave me the gift of motherhood!